When you hear the name Mark Driscoll, different things come to mind. Some adore him. Others despise him.
Me?
I think that he’s a talented speaker. There’s something inspiring about people who seem to be passionately committed to their faith. However, there are times when Pastor Mark has opened his mouth, and I have either winced or shook my head.
All that to say that the man has quite the reputation. And I’m very aware of it.
Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, & Life Together is the first book that I’ve read that’s had anything to do with Pastor Driscoll. Written by Mark and his wife Grace, I thought it was an interesting read.
Mind you, once or twice I was reminded that what I held in my hands was an “uncorrected proof”. I can be nauseatingly sensitive about diction, irrespective of an author’s “voice”. Also, early on in the text, Mark takes a swipe at a priest. It was during a discussion of Mark’s early days when he was a Catholic—and in my opinion, highly unnecessary. Cutting comments are sometimes best omitted—especially when they risk detracting from an otherwise smooth piece of text.
Apart from the above occurrence, the book discussed several principles that I tend to agree with. A strong friendship is the basis of a solid marriage. Spouses need to be honest with each other, and commit to handling their conflicts with dignity.
I’m trying not to spoil the book too much. However, I should also mention that the Driscolls support a complementarian view of marriage. In sensible hands, this perspective doesn’t bother me. Yet I know that some find complementarianism offensive and believe that it subjugates women.
(However, this review is neither the time nor the space [sic] for me to discuss gender roles. I am sure that you have your own opinions. At the very least, it’s a good idea to have such matters sorted prior to walking down the aisle together.)
And I’ll admit it. I almost sighed when I saw the “Sex” section. A part of me feels as though the idea of sex-as-a-Godly-gift has been done to death. I’ve heard more than enough on the sexiness of Song of Solomon. And I thought that some of the questions in the “Can We…?” chapter were a matter of common sense.
Still, I suppose it’s a message that bears repeating. At least so long as people continue to see one of God’s gifts as something that’s either a) disgusting or b)suitable only when used for procreation.
Grace and Mark also openly discuss the impact that abuse and pornography can have on a sexual relationship. I was glad that these passages exist. In spite of the popularity of certain ministries, in some Christian circles, these matters are never discussed.
As an aside, I can tell you that when I read Real Marriage, I expected to find the shock of my life. It never came.
One person who reviewed this book mentioned encountering passages that he would not have wanted his wife to read. Quite honestly, I would like to know where those sections were. I even read Mark’s “Men and Marriage” chapter, with its disclaimer about how it wasn’t meant for women, and managed to come out unscathed. In fact, I would definitely encourage women to read this book with their husbands. ALL of it.
If I may be frank, some women believe that there’s a bit of a manhood crisis in society. I think it’s important for us to keep abreast of what their leaders are telling them.
So overall, how do I think the Driscolls did?
Not badly at all. I think that it’s important for people to give marriage the reverence it deserves. It’s an institution that shouldn’t be entered into lightly. For better or worse, hopefully Real Marriage will give readers something to think about.
Advanced Reader’s Copy of the book has been provided courtesy of Thomas Nelson and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.
Available at your favourite bookseller from Thomas Nelson
